lately i’ve had some interesting experiences with abandonment and it’s never pleasant. years ago i went to a co-dependency workshop at Caron Pennsylvania for what was then called a co-dependency workshop lasting a full week. it’s called something else now.
it is a group situation employing ‘psychodrama’ which i had never heard of, telling our personal stories to the group about what life’s traumas we were struggling with. some of us. it was a personal discovery for me as these things are buried very deep. i made life affirming discoveries that surprised me in their truth. wow is the first thought that comes to mind, at least for me.we cried a lot for ourselves and each other. the stories always touched everyone, some more than others. i guess it depended on our personal defenses, but as time when on for me they were broken down and i made progress.
i am still in contact with a few of them, mostly through facebook, others have disappeared from my life.
but our minds seem to have plenty of room, rooms upon rooms, for the negative feelings to live in. at least now i have a word for my feelings and another place to look for help. i learned i am lovable something i never realize. abandonment and it’s issues have lots of books on the market dealing with that and co-dependency, just do a google search.
my co-dependency came for feelings of abandonment and the fear, which was quite real in my life due to my mother dying at my young age. what was i going to do now? long into my adult life these fears still ruled from their deep riffs. i had been abandoned by my protector in a cruel harsh world.
some of this i had dealt with at Caron but we only glanced the surface in our short time. so now back home i had to find resource to continue my personal work. i did float around the co-dependency groups reading the books and going to meetings. listening to others stories where i learned ‘gee my life isn’t so bad.’
i did find author Susan Anderson who runs a co-dependency workshop and practice group giving a once a year workshop at the Open Center here in New York city which i signed up for. the day came and went and we all seemed to get something out of the workshop. i bought Susan’s book, ‘The Black Swan’, which i thought was very powerful explanation of a system of personal recovery and kept it dear to my heart.
life goes on and now i’ve come to a point in my life where someone i know has a family member leaving home to serve in the military while leaving a wife, baby and two teenage daughters i gave the mother my copy of The Black Swan thinking it might help them learn the protective stages of abandonment recovery but no one has permanently left the family but a father is so important to young girls growing up so this is where i though Susan Anderson might be able to help me.
i wrote to her Abandonment Recovery Net explaining the situation saying i had attended her workshop and bought her books.what i was looking for was a recommendations of someone working in this field in a different location than she or i. i know Susan supports groups around the country and has a bulletin board on her Recovery Net for people wanting to start groups or who have them.
i waited a couple of weeks and didn’t here back from her, nor from her staff. that’s odd i thought how could someone who works in this field not answer queries? susan and i are connected on Linkedin so i sent her another email query at Linkedin and haven’t heard back for that query. it’s been weeks and nothing.
so what’s a poor boy to think? is it all my fault as some of the old tapes would try and convince me to believe. so much happens in everyday life we all get busy that i can understand and i do get lazy not answering emails right away. well at least wait a few hours not minutes.
i’ve never really found the answer if ‘temporary abandonment’ is a speciality. i do know if things aren’t dealt with as they crop up sooner or later they will have to be looked at. so far the military doesn’t think it’s a problem as they are overwhelmed with other personnel problems of returning members and society. as this doesn’t affect many members of society in general it doesn’t get much media attention.
this is just something that has bothered me and i am sure none of my readers care’s about this. i just thought i’d share this with you guys. no naked gals and guys were exposed for this post, well maybe me a bit.